Recieved on Monday, 27 October via the Mouthshut M2M service.
Edits: Removed his cell number which he thoughtfully sent me.
Wierdness factor: 11/10
Hi
I am Sandeep and i got your id from mouthshut.com. As this is my first mail I think I must tell you about myself since my childhood. I did my schooling from a small town Orai. It’s a town near Jhansi. You might not have heard about Orai. It’s a very small place. Since I was a kid I wanted to be an engineer. Like every mathematics student I too appeared for IIT entrance exam. But I didn’t get selected. Then I did my B.Sc from jhansi and when I was in final year of B.Sc I appeared for various MCA entrance exams and finally got into JSS Engineering College Noida. I passed my MCA in 2002. But 2002 was a bad year for software industry so there were no campus placements at our institute. I didn’t get job for first 2 months. Then I got a job in a web site development company.
Job was not up my skills and they were also not paying me well to survive in city like Delhi. They offered me transfer to Lucknow. I agreed happily as at least I can survive with that amount in Lucknow. I worked in that company for one year. Then software industry again started booming up and I did an advanced course in software from CDAC Noida and I got placed in this company. R Systems. It’s a multinational company started by an Indian.
My hobbies include traveling, reading business magazines like Business India, Business India etc, playing tennis. I also like listening good music. I had a girl friend when I was in MCA but for very short time. When I was in MCA 2nd year I became friendly with one of my juniors. Her name was Neha. After about 2 months she proposed me. I also liked her so there was no point of declining her offer. But she left our college to join another college. She got admission in a better college. But we keep on meeting twice a week. She was from Noida. One day she said that she want to finish this relationship, I asked her why but she didn’t said anything. After 2 days she called me in the hostel and asked me to forgive her and she said she wish to continue the relationship and she assured me that she will never ever do that again. But our relation lasted for 1 more month and again she did the same thing. I thought that she will came back to me as she did earlier. But she didn’t. I tried to contact her but she was least interested. After about one year I came to know through a common friend that she left me for another guy in her new college. After that incident I decided that I would never ever involve with any girl. My wife will be the only girl to whom I will love.
Usually guys like girls who have nice figure bur I am different. I like girls who have beautiful hands. I like girls who have nicely shaped long nails which are polished with nice shades like brown,pink etc. Please write me about your nails in detail.
Here in Noida I live in Sec 27, near Atta Market. Have you ever been to Noida? My office timings are 9 AM to 6 PM Monday to Friday. Saturdays and Sundays are usually free but sometimes if we have a deadline (regarding delivering software) then I have to go to office on weekends also for some time. I am working as Software Engineer (Quality Control). I have to verify the developed software and give suggestions to the development team on how to clear the defect in the software.
I think I have written a lot.. Please write me in detail about your self. This is a serious mail I will write funny one next time.
With regards for your parents.
Bye
Take Care.
Sandeep
(Okaaaaaay then!)
| My latest book is The One Who Swam With The Fishes.
"A mesmerizing account of the well-known story of Matsyagandha ... and her transformation from fisherman’s daughter to Satyavati, Santanu’s royal consort and the Mother/Progenitor of the Kuru clan." - Hindustan Times "Themes of fate, morality and power overlay a subtle and essential feminism to make this lyrical book a must-read. If this is Madhavan’s first book in the Girls from the Mahabharata series, there is much to look forward to in the months to come." - Open Magazine "A gleeful dollop of Blytonian magic ... Reddy Madhavan is also able to tackle some fairly sensitive subjects such as identity, the love of and karmic ties with parents, adoption, the first sexual encounter, loneliness, and my favourite, feminist rage." - Scroll |
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29 September 2004
28 September 2004
About A Boy
The closest thing I ever had to a “guy best friend” was Rajat. We were twelve, maybe even eleven when we first met, at this “dance party” of a guy who claimed to have a crush on me, inasmuch as anyone can have a crush on anyone else at eleven.
Anupam, that was his name, was good-looking enough, in that sweet chocolate-boy sense that appeals when you’re a pre-teen. But he wasn’t an “older guy”, which was what my friends and I were into at that stage. We longed for guys with broken voices, who had call to use a razor at least once a month, who could make us feel much older than we were.
I’m afraid I was a little hard on Anupam. I was nice and all, but not too nice, I never responded to his Valentine cards, sent via another friend and when he asked me to dance that day, we must have looked like the most uncomfortable couple around. We had a strict ‘one-arm-distance’ and he swiftly walked me all over the dance floor. Both of us were rather relieved when it ended.
Anupam had also invited Sidharth, a neighbour of mine, who brought along his friend, who turned out to be Rajat. Rajat and Karuna, who was my then “best friend” (I’ve mentioned her earlier in the Akshat Prasad story), hit it off immediately, dancing up a storm and raiding the snack table. I could see Karuna from where I stood, fending off Anupam’s requests to “replenish my coke” and she was in her element. She was a rather large girl, even back then, and her buxom-ness had led to a flock of admirers. Therefore that made her the most beautiful girl in my universe, and I was proud and privileged to be her friend.
[Of course, as we grew older, our relationship grew uglier. Karuna got “in” with the popular crowd, as did I, but she was more them than I could ever be. I wound up at thirteen with such a large inferiority complex that I wept every night, not helped by the fact that every time we fought, she’d say: “Oh you’re so ugly, what do you know?” That complex still haunts me at the worst possible times. But in this story, these were the unjaded days, when Karuna and I still shared everything, from who got their period first (her) to who got a bra first (me)]
A couple of days later, Karuna and Rajat had become best buds, pals for life, hanging out every day, the works. Rajat went to a boarding school and it was his summer holidays, we had the summer off as well and every day was spent in Khan Market, which was walking distance, where if one of us was rich, we’d buy a Coke and split it at Pat-a-Cake. Pat-a-cake was a bakery, which was hidden away in one of the markets by lanes and by virtue of its “hidden-ness” made a great place to date.
And since Karuna and I were best friends, Rajat and I started hanging out as well. Though I knew he wasn’t as into me as he was to my friend, the two of us bonded over our mutual admiration for Karuna. We pretended to be friends, he even included me in the group pictures he took, instead of asking me to be the picture taker. But I wasn’t surprised when after he went back to boarding school he only wrote to her, with a brief Ps: Say hi to Mynna.
All this changed around the time we turned 14. Rajat was a regular summer fixture now; occasionally a letter would arrive for me as well, with his scrawly hard-to-read cursive on onion paper. But I think that was because I was a regular letter-writer (I still am, my emails read like shorter, more personalised blog entries). Anyway, so he returned the summer we were 14 and came to meet me.
“Rajat!” I squealed. I did like to see him, and he made a change from the normal people we met. Plus he was always so sweet to me, telling me no, of course, I wasn’t ugly, in fact, I was very cute and a very sweet person. Nice to hear.
He gave me a huge hug. He had put on quite a bit of weight I noticed, and he was much taller and was that stubble I spotted?
“I need to tell you something,” he said, smiling shyly.
(to be continued)
Anupam, that was his name, was good-looking enough, in that sweet chocolate-boy sense that appeals when you’re a pre-teen. But he wasn’t an “older guy”, which was what my friends and I were into at that stage. We longed for guys with broken voices, who had call to use a razor at least once a month, who could make us feel much older than we were.
I’m afraid I was a little hard on Anupam. I was nice and all, but not too nice, I never responded to his Valentine cards, sent via another friend and when he asked me to dance that day, we must have looked like the most uncomfortable couple around. We had a strict ‘one-arm-distance’ and he swiftly walked me all over the dance floor. Both of us were rather relieved when it ended.
Anupam had also invited Sidharth, a neighbour of mine, who brought along his friend, who turned out to be Rajat. Rajat and Karuna, who was my then “best friend” (I’ve mentioned her earlier in the Akshat Prasad story), hit it off immediately, dancing up a storm and raiding the snack table. I could see Karuna from where I stood, fending off Anupam’s requests to “replenish my coke” and she was in her element. She was a rather large girl, even back then, and her buxom-ness had led to a flock of admirers. Therefore that made her the most beautiful girl in my universe, and I was proud and privileged to be her friend.
[Of course, as we grew older, our relationship grew uglier. Karuna got “in” with the popular crowd, as did I, but she was more them than I could ever be. I wound up at thirteen with such a large inferiority complex that I wept every night, not helped by the fact that every time we fought, she’d say: “Oh you’re so ugly, what do you know?” That complex still haunts me at the worst possible times. But in this story, these were the unjaded days, when Karuna and I still shared everything, from who got their period first (her) to who got a bra first (me)]
A couple of days later, Karuna and Rajat had become best buds, pals for life, hanging out every day, the works. Rajat went to a boarding school and it was his summer holidays, we had the summer off as well and every day was spent in Khan Market, which was walking distance, where if one of us was rich, we’d buy a Coke and split it at Pat-a-Cake. Pat-a-cake was a bakery, which was hidden away in one of the markets by lanes and by virtue of its “hidden-ness” made a great place to date.
And since Karuna and I were best friends, Rajat and I started hanging out as well. Though I knew he wasn’t as into me as he was to my friend, the two of us bonded over our mutual admiration for Karuna. We pretended to be friends, he even included me in the group pictures he took, instead of asking me to be the picture taker. But I wasn’t surprised when after he went back to boarding school he only wrote to her, with a brief Ps: Say hi to Mynna.
All this changed around the time we turned 14. Rajat was a regular summer fixture now; occasionally a letter would arrive for me as well, with his scrawly hard-to-read cursive on onion paper. But I think that was because I was a regular letter-writer (I still am, my emails read like shorter, more personalised blog entries). Anyway, so he returned the summer we were 14 and came to meet me.
“Rajat!” I squealed. I did like to see him, and he made a change from the normal people we met. Plus he was always so sweet to me, telling me no, of course, I wasn’t ugly, in fact, I was very cute and a very sweet person. Nice to hear.
He gave me a huge hug. He had put on quite a bit of weight I noticed, and he was much taller and was that stubble I spotted?
“I need to tell you something,” he said, smiling shyly.
(to be continued)
27 September 2004
Never On A Sunday
I spent Sunday with Dee and her new man. It was odd to be with a couple so totally into each other, you know? It was almost like half the time they were making a major effort to unwrap themselves from each other and talk to me. I don't blame them, really. When K and I were first together, our "togetherness" used to drive people mad.
When you're first in a relationship you can't get over the fact that there's someone who's with you, who's loving you, who's on your side, who will never let you "be out there again". (Five points if you got the quotation from When Harry Met Sally). It's sort of like you're looking at the world through someone else's eyes. Like Dee made New Boy (I can't keep calling him that, have to think of a pseudonym, hmmm....how's Hari? Okay, she made me change it to Hanuman, but whatever. I have a Harry Potter poster in front of me) eat a Subway sandwich for the first time. You've got to know Dee to know that she could live on Subway. I mean, stuck-on-a-desert-island-with-no-other-food-for-the-rest-of-your-life kind of live. And Hanuman had only "had a bite of her sandwich once". So she got all excited when he ordered a (rather boring) potato patty sub and then proceeded to finish her sandwich and mine! It was quite sweet. And the way he kept defending her! I had forgotten that boyfriends do that. Mine "didn't like to get involved".
I started to get real blue after a bit. I wanted someone too. No scratch that, I will tell the truth if it kills me. I wanted K. and me, the way we were way back, the hand-holding, the back rubs, the private jokes... then I realised what I was thinking and promptly put my meta-filters back on.
Then later, at Mocha, we met Ginny and her new man, boy rather, who I shall call what everyone else does--- Baldy. And there we were, Dee and Hanuman on the couch, cooing at each other, Baldy and Ginny on chairs, lighting each other's cigarettes and laughing softly and me, also on the couch, checking out men that were definitely gay. Hmmph.
Y'know when I was part of a couple, my friends were all annoyingly single, and didn't want to be a "third wheel". Now when I'm single and ready to mingle, they all become these old married types. There's no justice in this world! Either that or my fairy godmother needs to be fired.
Peh.
When you're first in a relationship you can't get over the fact that there's someone who's with you, who's loving you, who's on your side, who will never let you "be out there again". (Five points if you got the quotation from When Harry Met Sally). It's sort of like you're looking at the world through someone else's eyes. Like Dee made New Boy (I can't keep calling him that, have to think of a pseudonym, hmmm....how's Hari? Okay, she made me change it to Hanuman, but whatever. I have a Harry Potter poster in front of me) eat a Subway sandwich for the first time. You've got to know Dee to know that she could live on Subway. I mean, stuck-on-a-desert-island-with-no-other-food-for-the-rest-of-your-life kind of live. And Hanuman had only "had a bite of her sandwich once". So she got all excited when he ordered a (rather boring) potato patty sub and then proceeded to finish her sandwich and mine! It was quite sweet. And the way he kept defending her! I had forgotten that boyfriends do that. Mine "didn't like to get involved".
I started to get real blue after a bit. I wanted someone too. No scratch that, I will tell the truth if it kills me. I wanted K. and me, the way we were way back, the hand-holding, the back rubs, the private jokes... then I realised what I was thinking and promptly put my meta-filters back on.
Then later, at Mocha, we met Ginny and her new man, boy rather, who I shall call what everyone else does--- Baldy. And there we were, Dee and Hanuman on the couch, cooing at each other, Baldy and Ginny on chairs, lighting each other's cigarettes and laughing softly and me, also on the couch, checking out men that were definitely gay. Hmmph.
Y'know when I was part of a couple, my friends were all annoyingly single, and didn't want to be a "third wheel". Now when I'm single and ready to mingle, they all become these old married types. There's no justice in this world! Either that or my fairy godmother needs to be fired.
Peh.
25 September 2004
About Goddesses
Nothing is so good it lasts eternally
Perfect situations must go wrong
But this has never yet prevented me
From wanting far too much, for far too long....
Perfect situations must go wrong
But this has never yet prevented me
From wanting far too much, for far too long....
No one in your life is with you constantly
No one in completely on your side,
And though I move my world to be with him
Still the gap between us is too wide...
I was singing this song to myself this morning (I Know Him So Well, Chess Soundtrack) and then shook myself and switched to Oh Maria from the Sister Act soundtrack. Let me make one thing clear--- I'm an agnostic. I don't believe in any kind of God whatsoever.
I wish I believed in God, I wish I believed in a blessed holy mother of all.
Salve, salve-salve, salve Regina!
Life is so much easier when you have a faith, something you believe is looking out for you. Think of the Virgin Mary for a moment. There she was, unmarried, pregnant and to top it all off, her child was the son was the Destined One. That's got to be tough.
But think about her as the ultimate 'girl power' image, someone independant enough to say, "Yeah, y'know, I'd rather carry this baby of god than have a normal life like the rest of my peer group even though it means I'm going to have to watch him die."
That Mary was a powerful woman. Like Durga, like Kali. Women who knew their minds and didn't need a man to let them know what their destinies should be.
It's tough to be a goddess. It's even tougher to live up to that image all the time, look at all the people depending on you, worshipping you to make everything okay.
Why do we like the goddesses? I think it's because they are like the ultimate mother images. God, sure, there's this universal force, etc etc. But that's so ... impersonal.
God bless Mother Nature, she's a single woman too
She took on a heaven and she did what she had to do
The image that every woman has these days, and for centuries is to live up to these counterparts of ours. I mean we're supposed to be goddesses as well, the shakti, the driving force behind our households. The gatherers and nurturers to the caveman hunters. And these days, the hunters as well.
How to do it all? How does any woman manage to do it all? Take my mom for instance. She has a successful career and still manages to look after the house and when I was growing up I never felt neglected for a minute. I'm sure your moms do the same.
This wasn't supposed to be a whole schpiel on goddesses, it just turned out that way.
May all you women be powerful earth mothers!
23 September 2004
The Return Of The Native
My friend Devyani arrives tonight, from Bath. Originally I was supposed to go receive her with another friend, Nitya, but it turns out that Nitya prefers to go in her own car from her office in Gurgaon (outside Delhi), which is too far away for me to make it from work in Connaught Place (central Delhi) so I told her to carry on without me and wrote an apologetic email to Devyani instead. I doubt she got the email, because she didn't reply instantly as she normally does.
Devyani is a brilliant person. She's smart, reads the right stuff, can have convincing points of arguments and is the most terribly insecure person in the entire world. Devyani uses appearances to make judgements about herself (I know we all do to an extent) so she's terribly intimidated by pretty 'popular' people (I just love the alliteration in that line! *sings* Pretty, popular people, where dooooooooo they all come from? Pretty popular people, where doooooooo they all belong?) So anyone who wears say clothes that look that they have been bought from upmarket places, or who is a little brittle in the way they talk are prime suspects.
We've been friends for what? six years? now, all the way from the eleventh grade, when she did a little reverse snobbery thing on me when I attempted to make friends, because my skirt was the same length as the 'in-crowd'. (This is just a guess). She continued to be snotty for quite some time, and I didn't understand it. I was in a new school which was huge compared to my old one, to top it all off, we had moved from our lovely government bungalow in the heart of Delhi to a poky flat way over across the river where I had no friends and at the time, no prospect of a social life. She on the other hand, had been living in my new neighbourhood forever, had been going to my new school forever and I saw no reason why she should be unfriendly.
Nitya, who also lives nearby, was very friendly though. She had lived in my old neighbourhood as well, so we already had an icebreaker. She belonged to one of the popular cliques at school (I was 'adopted' by another, but left because I could not stand another day of talking about make-up and Oh my god, he is so hot!) and since she and Devyani were neighbours, they were also friends.
So, obviously, Devyani was threatened by this friendship (she explained to me later that since I was 'hep' Nitya saw more in me than she did in her), and being threatened wasn't very friendly. But I (with my usual wit and charm *ahem*) soon wore her down. I do that a lot. There are so many people who make snap judgements about you based on some stupid prejudice (take my college gang for instance), and it's up to you to make them change their minds (Or not, as in the case of Dee's colleague who called me 'arrogant'. Arrogant! I ask you, when you barely know someone and still say hello with a smile to them, does that really make you arrogant? *fumes for a bit*)
Soon, we struck up a warm carmaraderie (Aargh, yes, I know that's spelt wrong but I can't be bothered to check the right one) and an unlikely trio with Nitya. Nitya liked to roll her eyes at our "absolutely juvenile" behavious a lot, but now she knows that we're the people who are most going to be there for her. The friendship lasted after school, through college, through me fixing up one of my friends with one of hers (BAD idea. Kids, don't try this at home.) and even through her going away to England and Nitya and me getting diametrically opposite jobs, her in the corporate sector and you already know the foot-loose free-wheeling job I do!
And now she returns tonight and we will in all likelihood spend long lazy evenings smoking in her bathroom and talking.
Thank heaven for the gal pals!
EDIT: The nominees are in! Now vote for your favourites over at List Maniac, my super other blog! (this is a shameless plug. this is a shameless plug. Bless you for squinching up your eyes to read this part. Did you know a pigs orgasm lasts up to 30 minutes? Where have they been all my life?)
Devyani is a brilliant person. She's smart, reads the right stuff, can have convincing points of arguments and is the most terribly insecure person in the entire world. Devyani uses appearances to make judgements about herself (I know we all do to an extent) so she's terribly intimidated by pretty 'popular' people (I just love the alliteration in that line! *sings* Pretty, popular people, where dooooooooo they all come from? Pretty popular people, where doooooooo they all belong?) So anyone who wears say clothes that look that they have been bought from upmarket places, or who is a little brittle in the way they talk are prime suspects.
We've been friends for what? six years? now, all the way from the eleventh grade, when she did a little reverse snobbery thing on me when I attempted to make friends, because my skirt was the same length as the 'in-crowd'. (This is just a guess). She continued to be snotty for quite some time, and I didn't understand it. I was in a new school which was huge compared to my old one, to top it all off, we had moved from our lovely government bungalow in the heart of Delhi to a poky flat way over across the river where I had no friends and at the time, no prospect of a social life. She on the other hand, had been living in my new neighbourhood forever, had been going to my new school forever and I saw no reason why she should be unfriendly.
Nitya, who also lives nearby, was very friendly though. She had lived in my old neighbourhood as well, so we already had an icebreaker. She belonged to one of the popular cliques at school (I was 'adopted' by another, but left because I could not stand another day of talking about make-up and Oh my god, he is so hot!) and since she and Devyani were neighbours, they were also friends.
So, obviously, Devyani was threatened by this friendship (she explained to me later that since I was 'hep' Nitya saw more in me than she did in her), and being threatened wasn't very friendly. But I (with my usual wit and charm *ahem*) soon wore her down. I do that a lot. There are so many people who make snap judgements about you based on some stupid prejudice (take my college gang for instance), and it's up to you to make them change their minds (Or not, as in the case of Dee's colleague who called me 'arrogant'. Arrogant! I ask you, when you barely know someone and still say hello with a smile to them, does that really make you arrogant? *fumes for a bit*)
Soon, we struck up a warm carmaraderie (Aargh, yes, I know that's spelt wrong but I can't be bothered to check the right one) and an unlikely trio with Nitya. Nitya liked to roll her eyes at our "absolutely juvenile" behavious a lot, but now she knows that we're the people who are most going to be there for her. The friendship lasted after school, through college, through me fixing up one of my friends with one of hers (BAD idea. Kids, don't try this at home.) and even through her going away to England and Nitya and me getting diametrically opposite jobs, her in the corporate sector and you already know the foot-loose free-wheeling job I do!
And now she returns tonight and we will in all likelihood spend long lazy evenings smoking in her bathroom and talking.
Thank heaven for the gal pals!
EDIT: The nominees are in! Now vote for your favourites over at List Maniac, my super other blog! (this is a shameless plug. this is a shameless plug. Bless you for squinching up your eyes to read this part. Did you know a pigs orgasm lasts up to 30 minutes? Where have they been all my life?)
22 September 2004
Wintertime and the living is easy...
Summer gives its last few coughs here in Delhi, and at nights, you can smell winter. The weather varies from windy to horribly humid, but soon the chilly smell of woodsmoke and mothballs will hang in the air, and room heaters will emerge from their long stay in cupboards.
I love the winter. I was born in December, perhaps the coldest month here, and I embrace the feel of a biting wind against my face, the long, black overcoat that I love and oh, my boots! My boots will be all set to wear soon. (Though the last time I wore them I got shoebite as a result of which both my big toenails have turned blue and fallen off).
But then there are drawbacks. For instance, living over the river, which I do, means there's a lot of fog on the bridge, which means more accidents, equals paranoid mother. Then all my slutty/skimpy clothes will have to go back into my 'summer trunk' and all my turtlenecks pulled out. And summer weight loss will be replaced by winter wieght gain. And I just get so damn lazy in the winter, that getting out of my warm house on Sunday to go get waxed will be a pain in the you-know-what.
Then I think of curling up under my warm comforter, drinking coffee, with a hot water bottle snugly at my feet. And saving money on petrol because I won't be using the air conditioner. In fact, I can even make a visit to my favourite place in Delhi--- Daryagunj-- which has second-hand book pavement vendors on Sunday. (Most of my books are picked up there). Or Sarojini Nagar, for its brilliant export surplus clothes. And my birthday, when I turn 23 (I'd just like to regress back to being 21, or 19. Yeah, 19 sounds good). And Christmas, with the amazing choirs that sing carols. And switching to my 'winter drink' (Vodka with coke/oj, as opposed to rum and coke in the summer).
This will be the first winter without K. in two years. No K. to take my out on the eve of my birthday and surprise me at 12 with a Zippo. No one to kiss on New Years Eve (which was also our two year, six month anniversary), no one to cuddle under my comforter with, watching TV and complaining about the others' cold feet. Yeah, it will be lonely. But who knows, maybe by then there will be someone else. If not, I'm okay with being on my own. Maybe I can finally get my book written, my applications done and my inner self found.
I'll keep you posted though.
EDIT: Same day, later
Things I am pissed off about (RANT ALERT! RANT ALERT! Don't say I didn't warn you!)
> It's 9 pm and the PR cab that was supposed to pick me up at 7.45 pm still hasn't arrived to take me for a food review. Their food had better be good if they want a good review now!
> My lower back is aching like a bitch, my skin has broken out, I have a strong suspicion I'm going to have 'that time of the month' again.
> I'm so damn needy with all my relationships. Seriously. I expect people to be in constant contact with me, get grouchy when they don't call, get grouchier when they do call and have something better to do than hang out with me.
> Cigarrette smoking leads to cancer.
> I have as of now, no concrete plans for Saturday, which means in all likelihod, I'm going to have to spend the whole night at an office party, which normally I love but am just not in the mood for this week.
> I'm not even hungry anymore.
> No one will read my blog after I shifted the URL.
> I don't *really* have any friends at work, just people at work who I talk to.
> This is the only place I can whine and that makes me feel like a loser without any friends.
> I'll probably be stuck in a no-go career for the rest of my life.
> I'm not happy anymore.
> I'm having the worst week in the world and it started three days ago.
I love the winter. I was born in December, perhaps the coldest month here, and I embrace the feel of a biting wind against my face, the long, black overcoat that I love and oh, my boots! My boots will be all set to wear soon. (Though the last time I wore them I got shoebite as a result of which both my big toenails have turned blue and fallen off).
But then there are drawbacks. For instance, living over the river, which I do, means there's a lot of fog on the bridge, which means more accidents, equals paranoid mother. Then all my slutty/skimpy clothes will have to go back into my 'summer trunk' and all my turtlenecks pulled out. And summer weight loss will be replaced by winter wieght gain. And I just get so damn lazy in the winter, that getting out of my warm house on Sunday to go get waxed will be a pain in the you-know-what.
Then I think of curling up under my warm comforter, drinking coffee, with a hot water bottle snugly at my feet. And saving money on petrol because I won't be using the air conditioner. In fact, I can even make a visit to my favourite place in Delhi--- Daryagunj-- which has second-hand book pavement vendors on Sunday. (Most of my books are picked up there). Or Sarojini Nagar, for its brilliant export surplus clothes. And my birthday, when I turn 23 (I'd just like to regress back to being 21, or 19. Yeah, 19 sounds good). And Christmas, with the amazing choirs that sing carols. And switching to my 'winter drink' (Vodka with coke/oj, as opposed to rum and coke in the summer).
This will be the first winter without K. in two years. No K. to take my out on the eve of my birthday and surprise me at 12 with a Zippo. No one to kiss on New Years Eve (which was also our two year, six month anniversary), no one to cuddle under my comforter with, watching TV and complaining about the others' cold feet. Yeah, it will be lonely. But who knows, maybe by then there will be someone else. If not, I'm okay with being on my own. Maybe I can finally get my book written, my applications done and my inner self found.
I'll keep you posted though.
EDIT: Same day, later
Things I am pissed off about (RANT ALERT! RANT ALERT! Don't say I didn't warn you!)
> It's 9 pm and the PR cab that was supposed to pick me up at 7.45 pm still hasn't arrived to take me for a food review. Their food had better be good if they want a good review now!
> My lower back is aching like a bitch, my skin has broken out, I have a strong suspicion I'm going to have 'that time of the month' again.
> I'm so damn needy with all my relationships. Seriously. I expect people to be in constant contact with me, get grouchy when they don't call, get grouchier when they do call and have something better to do than hang out with me.
> Cigarrette smoking leads to cancer.
> I have as of now, no concrete plans for Saturday, which means in all likelihod, I'm going to have to spend the whole night at an office party, which normally I love but am just not in the mood for this week.
> I'm not even hungry anymore.
> No one will read my blog after I shifted the URL.
> I don't *really* have any friends at work, just people at work who I talk to.
> This is the only place I can whine and that makes me feel like a loser without any friends.
> I'll probably be stuck in a no-go career for the rest of my life.
> I'm not happy anymore.
> I'm having the worst week in the world and it started three days ago.
21 September 2004
New name, same life
Last night, I was talking to my mother about the whole blog being found by my co-workers thing. It all arose when I stupidly let out that I had a blog to people at work.
She said, "You know what your problem is? You're a compulsive confessor."
And so emerging from the ashes of 'For The Fat Lady' is this--- The Compulsive Confessor.
I hope this one stays as anonymous as possible!
She said, "You know what your problem is? You're a compulsive confessor."
And so emerging from the ashes of 'For The Fat Lady' is this--- The Compulsive Confessor.
I hope this one stays as anonymous as possible!
20 September 2004
Emerging Again
"Don't get too attached."
That's the mantra that's been running in my head since yesterday. Getting attached means getting back to square one, means giving your heart to someone else and means giving them the power to hurt you and the power to manipulate your emotions.
Sure, it's hard. I've never been the 'disassociate your mind and body' kind of person. But in this case, I feel I must. The whole point of a rebound (relationship? Fling? One week stand?) is to exorcise the person you're rebounding from. Right?
Okay, what am I talking about? I spent Sunday (and I'm talking the entire day here, from about 1.30 pm to about 10.15 pm) at Shiva's. Oooh, is probably what you're thinking, and you would be right!
The thing is, with K. I never felt the need for other male companionship, so as of now, I have zero male friends. Which is why it felt so good to just chill out with someone of the opposite sex, to spend an entire day just hanging, ya know?
We managed to talk about everything.. the thing is, he reads my blog, right? So there's a lot of back history I didn't have to go into. The power of words, my friends, works better than the power of a good cleavage--- though that doesn't hurt either!
Of course, me being me, don't like playing games. If a guy has "intentions" shall we say, I like for him to spell it out, and not spend an entire day chatting and pretending like the sexual tension doesn't exist at all. Don't you just hate it when they do that? I swear, men and their mind games! (Though our sex isn't much better either).
So as you can tell, it took a while for him to make a move. By the end of it, I was like "Gawd, this is the Kabir story all over again!" and "Did I just assume he was interested in me, when it appears that all he wants is a platonic friendship?"
But no, that couldn't possibly be the case, because he was flirting, unless my flirting radar has rusted completely from two years of being in a monogamous, committed relationship. (I know my flirting skills have deteriorated majorly, I used to be able to be subtle, I used to be able to convey things with a mere gesture, now it's like I'm practically pasting a huge post-it on my forehead with "Dude, I'm hitting on you".)
Back to the subject, finally at around 8.30, I said I had to leave, but instead of leaving, he showed me his terrace (not a euphemism for anything, I swear, just a terrace, oh ye with dirty minds!) And, well, one thing led to another and *blushes*
I was so amazed that K didn't cross my mind at all, though this morning I feel kind of guilty. Stupid, I know, but since we've only been broken up a month, for Chrissakes, I should be "in mourning" right about now! Then my inner policeman breaks in with "He dumped you, so there's no need to feel guilty."
It's wierd to kiss someone for the first time. I get all blushy after the very first kiss, it's kind of awkward to face the person you've just been chatting with after suddenly, woah, the paradigm's completely shifted. Then there's the whole learning someone's moves thing. Each mouth is different, just like each kisser is diferent. And in order to be a really good kisser, your kissing has to correspond directly with what he's doing. So, right after that first kiss, I was like, "Huh. This is new."
But new isn't bad, either. In fact, sometimes, new can be very good. *winks*
Later, y'all, as I congratulate myself that the depreivation period is finally over!
EDIT: Bad news. A couple of my co-workers took it upon themselves to 'discover' my blog. Therefore, aaargh, I might either have to change this site or censor myself.. I'll keep you posted. Right now I'm skulking behind my desk. I've decided to change the URL so if you want my new address comment with your email address' and i will give it to you. Inconvienience is deeply regretted.
That's the mantra that's been running in my head since yesterday. Getting attached means getting back to square one, means giving your heart to someone else and means giving them the power to hurt you and the power to manipulate your emotions.
Sure, it's hard. I've never been the 'disassociate your mind and body' kind of person. But in this case, I feel I must. The whole point of a rebound (relationship? Fling? One week stand?) is to exorcise the person you're rebounding from. Right?
Okay, what am I talking about? I spent Sunday (and I'm talking the entire day here, from about 1.30 pm to about 10.15 pm) at Shiva's. Oooh, is probably what you're thinking, and you would be right!
The thing is, with K. I never felt the need for other male companionship, so as of now, I have zero male friends. Which is why it felt so good to just chill out with someone of the opposite sex, to spend an entire day just hanging, ya know?
We managed to talk about everything.. the thing is, he reads my blog, right? So there's a lot of back history I didn't have to go into. The power of words, my friends, works better than the power of a good cleavage--- though that doesn't hurt either!
Of course, me being me, don't like playing games. If a guy has "intentions" shall we say, I like for him to spell it out, and not spend an entire day chatting and pretending like the sexual tension doesn't exist at all. Don't you just hate it when they do that? I swear, men and their mind games! (Though our sex isn't much better either).
So as you can tell, it took a while for him to make a move. By the end of it, I was like "Gawd, this is the Kabir story all over again!" and "Did I just assume he was interested in me, when it appears that all he wants is a platonic friendship?"
But no, that couldn't possibly be the case, because he was flirting, unless my flirting radar has rusted completely from two years of being in a monogamous, committed relationship. (I know my flirting skills have deteriorated majorly, I used to be able to be subtle, I used to be able to convey things with a mere gesture, now it's like I'm practically pasting a huge post-it on my forehead with "Dude, I'm hitting on you".)
Back to the subject, finally at around 8.30, I said I had to leave, but instead of leaving, he showed me his terrace (not a euphemism for anything, I swear, just a terrace, oh ye with dirty minds!) And, well, one thing led to another and *blushes*
I was so amazed that K didn't cross my mind at all, though this morning I feel kind of guilty. Stupid, I know, but since we've only been broken up a month, for Chrissakes, I should be "in mourning" right about now! Then my inner policeman breaks in with "He dumped you, so there's no need to feel guilty."
It's wierd to kiss someone for the first time. I get all blushy after the very first kiss, it's kind of awkward to face the person you've just been chatting with after suddenly, woah, the paradigm's completely shifted. Then there's the whole learning someone's moves thing. Each mouth is different, just like each kisser is diferent. And in order to be a really good kisser, your kissing has to correspond directly with what he's doing. So, right after that first kiss, I was like, "Huh. This is new."
But new isn't bad, either. In fact, sometimes, new can be very good. *winks*
Later, y'all, as I congratulate myself that the depreivation period is finally over!
EDIT: Bad news. A couple of my co-workers took it upon themselves to 'discover' my blog. Therefore, aaargh, I might either have to change this site or censor myself.. I'll keep you posted. Right now I'm skulking behind my desk. I've decided to change the URL so if you want my new address comment with your email address' and i will give it to you. Inconvienience is deeply regretted.
18 September 2004
Oh wow..
I didn't post about the first time.
I missed it the second time.
And I practically missed it the third time round even.
But, I thought I'd make a note of today.
*1504 visitors*!!!!
Yay, for the big fifteen hundred :)
In honour of that, you're all invited to have a little blog party... *passes around cake and vodka*.
The counter's been up since July, I think, and I also think 1500 visitors in three months is pretty damn cool.
(I should probably make a little speech right about now, but I feel a little shy) So, on with the tequila!
*And this one's for you guys---my regulars who I love*
You gave me something
Like loving
And took me in so soon
You took my feelings
From nothing
Came back at noon
Just meet me
I’m ready
To show myself to you
So if I lose my patience
You must try to understand(try to understand)
If I lose my patience
Oh yeah
Cause you make me feel
Cause you make me feel wild
You touch my inner smile
You got me in the mood
So come on and make your rule
And free me
You make my wishes
As much as
Your kisses make me blue
You’ve found my river
Now will you
Escape away too
But babyI’m ready
I’m falling into you
So if I lose my patience
You must try to understand(try to understand)
If I lose my patience
Oh yeah
Cause you make me feel
Cause you make me feel wild
You touch my inner smile
You got me in the mood
So come on and make your rule
And free me
Free me
Free me
Wow wow wow
Wow wow wow
Wow yeah
Cause you make me feel wild
You touch my inner smile
You got me in the mood
So come on and make your rule
And touch my inner smile
Come get my inner smile
Smile
Smile
Yeah yeah
Sometimes I need to be alone
There’s times I need for you to phone
Sometimes you make me feel so high
There’s times I ask myself why
Sometimes I need to be alone
There’s times...
I missed it the second time.
And I practically missed it the third time round even.
But, I thought I'd make a note of today.
*1504 visitors*!!!!
Yay, for the big fifteen hundred :)
In honour of that, you're all invited to have a little blog party... *passes around cake and vodka*.
The counter's been up since July, I think, and I also think 1500 visitors in three months is pretty damn cool.
(I should probably make a little speech right about now, but I feel a little shy) So, on with the tequila!
*And this one's for you guys---my regulars who I love*
You gave me something
Like loving
And took me in so soon
You took my feelings
From nothing
Came back at noon
Just meet me
I’m ready
To show myself to you
So if I lose my patience
You must try to understand(try to understand)
If I lose my patience
Oh yeah
Cause you make me feel
Cause you make me feel wild
You touch my inner smile
You got me in the mood
So come on and make your rule
And free me
You make my wishes
As much as
Your kisses make me blue
You’ve found my river
Now will you
Escape away too
But babyI’m ready
I’m falling into you
So if I lose my patience
You must try to understand(try to understand)
If I lose my patience
Oh yeah
Cause you make me feel
Cause you make me feel wild
You touch my inner smile
You got me in the mood
So come on and make your rule
And free me
Free me
Free me
Wow wow wow
Wow wow wow
Wow yeah
Cause you make me feel wild
You touch my inner smile
You got me in the mood
So come on and make your rule
And touch my inner smile
Come get my inner smile
Smile
Smile
Yeah yeah
Sometimes I need to be alone
There’s times I need for you to phone
Sometimes you make me feel so high
There’s times I ask myself why
Sometimes I need to be alone
There’s times...
15 September 2004
On the weekend
Considering NO-ONE commented on yesterday's post (Hima, April, I'm very disappointed!) I'm just going to continue with where I left off yesterday and tell you about the rest of my weekend.
Oh, my babel fish has suddenly transformed into German. Very wierd. I might need a babel fish for my babel fish!
Kelso was so sweet, he kept blushing whenever I flirted with him and when he left (his CURFEW was 1.30, oh god, I'm putting the moves on someone with an effing curfew!) I said, "Oh don't go, you've never partied with me and Dee." And he smiled with his dimples showing and said: "Well that will change". Awwwwwwwwwww... *mush*
But, damn, he's into some girl at his college. So no whippersnapper love for Mynna.
Okay the other guy I met was on Sunday at this coffee shop I really like called Mocha. His name is Shiva and he's a friend of Dee's (this is where if he's reading this, he suddenly starts paying attention!) He's nice, and reads and all, but as he didn't fail to inform me within the first half-an-hour of our meeting, he's "not into girls with short hair". :P whatever. Anyway, I've been complaining about the lack of male friends in my life, so there could be possibility there. (At ease, Shiva).
So that's what's been happening.
Oh, my babel fish has suddenly transformed into German. Very wierd. I might need a babel fish for my babel fish!
Kelso was so sweet, he kept blushing whenever I flirted with him and when he left (his CURFEW was 1.30, oh god, I'm putting the moves on someone with an effing curfew!) I said, "Oh don't go, you've never partied with me and Dee." And he smiled with his dimples showing and said: "Well that will change". Awwwwwwwwwww... *mush*
But, damn, he's into some girl at his college. So no whippersnapper love for Mynna.
Okay the other guy I met was on Sunday at this coffee shop I really like called Mocha. His name is Shiva and he's a friend of Dee's (this is where if he's reading this, he suddenly starts paying attention!) He's nice, and reads and all, but as he didn't fail to inform me within the first half-an-hour of our meeting, he's "not into girls with short hair". :P whatever. Anyway, I've been complaining about the lack of male friends in my life, so there could be possibility there. (At ease, Shiva).
So that's what's been happening.
14 September 2004
The Ministry Of Mind Fuck
First an apology about waiting to continue the "Revising Old Judgements" story for so long. I got bored of it after a while and compared to my absolute manic weekend, it was nuthin'
My friends have gone on a whole let's-fix-Mynna-up kick and so I've been faced with three boys so far, out of which two were rather comely.
And it's fun, yes, to be the focus of attention, to not know what an evening can bring, to wonder actually whether you're going to be kissed and not take it for granted. But at the end of the day, for the brief moment I was alone, I found myself staring at my ceiling (which is painted lavender with lemon spirals) and thinking, "Oh god, K. why did you leave me?"
Those unexpected moments are the worst. You're doing fine, all hunky-dory, and then your mind decides to fuck with you a little. I can't do this again, I can't. I can't have an "our song" again, explain my life again, get someone so well again, have private jokes.... it's just too hard, and too much work.. and reader, yes, I am a quitter.
How did this turn out to be a post on K? It was supposed to be a 'happy-happy-joy-joy' type post, telling you all about my single weekend and the absolute hottie of a 19 year old I met Saturday night, (who, by the way, looked exactly, but exactly, like Ashton Kutcher) and about the guy I met on Sunday (who Dhati gave this blog address to and who reads it so I can't tell you very much about him. Go read his blog). You see? The Ministry Of Mind Fuck is working overtime!
So later today, I will tell you about the weekend.... how was yours, by the way?
EDIT: Many of my "regulars" (stand up, take a bow, you know who you are) must have noticed my sidebar getting more and more crowded. Nope, I'm not going nuts. I've just always been a kind of pack-rat and whatver looks like a cool feature to add, promptly is. I love my blogpet, don't you? His name is Timothy (when I was a kid I had a girl doll called Timothy coz I thought it was too pretty a name for a boy). If you click on him, he'll talk to you :) Then there's my babel fish (if you haven't got the reference, run don't walk, to the nearest bookshop and buy The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy--- go on!) which very badly needed. I love foreign languages and I'm constantly using Google's language tools to figure out what I'm reading. That tool is more for mehan the prettifictaion of the blog, but you can use it if you want (my mother brought me up to share!)
Then the FAQ section is gone, no one was using it, so I'm trashing it. My links are now Blogrolled, which means I don't have to keep copy-pasting code onto my template. Lessee, what else? Oh yeah, right at the bottom, where it says Blogarama, is a little link to "Review My Site". I don't have to explain the use of that do I? : ) And the link to the Women's Blogroll, thanks to lovely Sunrayz.
Oh yeah, and in a shameless plug. My other blog has a contest going on, check it out!
My friends have gone on a whole let's-fix-Mynna-up kick and so I've been faced with three boys so far, out of which two were rather comely.
And it's fun, yes, to be the focus of attention, to not know what an evening can bring, to wonder actually whether you're going to be kissed and not take it for granted. But at the end of the day, for the brief moment I was alone, I found myself staring at my ceiling (which is painted lavender with lemon spirals) and thinking, "Oh god, K. why did you leave me?"
Those unexpected moments are the worst. You're doing fine, all hunky-dory, and then your mind decides to fuck with you a little. I can't do this again, I can't. I can't have an "our song" again, explain my life again, get someone so well again, have private jokes.... it's just too hard, and too much work.. and reader, yes, I am a quitter.
How did this turn out to be a post on K? It was supposed to be a 'happy-happy-joy-joy' type post, telling you all about my single weekend and the absolute hottie of a 19 year old I met Saturday night, (who, by the way, looked exactly, but exactly, like Ashton Kutcher) and about the guy I met on Sunday (who Dhati gave this blog address to and who reads it so I can't tell you very much about him. Go read his blog). You see? The Ministry Of Mind Fuck is working overtime!
So later today, I will tell you about the weekend.... how was yours, by the way?
EDIT: Many of my "regulars" (stand up, take a bow, you know who you are) must have noticed my sidebar getting more and more crowded. Nope, I'm not going nuts. I've just always been a kind of pack-rat and whatver looks like a cool feature to add, promptly is. I love my blogpet, don't you? His name is Timothy (when I was a kid I had a girl doll called Timothy coz I thought it was too pretty a name for a boy). If you click on him, he'll talk to you :) Then there's my babel fish (if you haven't got the reference, run don't walk, to the nearest bookshop and buy The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy--- go on!) which very badly needed. I love foreign languages and I'm constantly using Google's language tools to figure out what I'm reading. That tool is more for mehan the prettifictaion of the blog, but you can use it if you want (my mother brought me up to share!)
Then the FAQ section is gone, no one was using it, so I'm trashing it. My links are now Blogrolled, which means I don't have to keep copy-pasting code onto my template. Lessee, what else? Oh yeah, right at the bottom, where it says Blogarama, is a little link to "Review My Site". I don't have to explain the use of that do I? : ) And the link to the Women's Blogroll, thanks to lovely Sunrayz.
Oh yeah, and in a shameless plug. My other blog has a contest going on, check it out!
11 September 2004
Quirkyalone and The City
I am a "quirkyalone". I realised this yesterday, flipping through the new Cosmo, which had a huge spread on it. Frankly, I had never heard of the word before. QA sounded kinda well.. kinky!
Sure, I loved Bridget Jones. I nearly peed my pants when I read about her escapades. But that wasn't me, ya know? I wasn't hunting for a guy, I wasn't scared I was going to die alone eaten by an alsation. In fact, I was pretty okay with being alone.
Then I met K and threw all my singleness out of the window. Quirkyalone? Nuh-uh, we were quirkytogether (that's a real word, look it up). And he was so perfect and so sweet and so mine in a way that all my strong words and ideologies weren't. Plus he made me feel complete (even though I now realise I am complete, with or without a man). And it was easier to be with someone, more secure and the more I think about I realise that the fear of being alone was greater than the fear or losing him.
I did a test online at this site and these are my results: Your score was 81. Somewhat quirkyalone (otherwise known as quirkytogether):You are probably part of a mysterious group of people, the quirkytogethers. You share many of our quirky qualities, but you manage to find yourself, on a regular basis, in a coupled situation. Interesting.
Bloody hell. That seems to be me! For as long as I can remember I've had friends who were more like family than friends. "Urban Tribes" they're called these days and yeah, growing up an only child, I depended a lot on my gal pals. (I've never really had that many guy friends. I don't know why.) We did everything together, comparing which one of us had the biggest breats at twelve, the first one to get her period, passing around a cigarette and a glas sof beer which we alternately choked and spluttered on.
And now that we're all grown up, we're still there. Only in different ways. Now it's meeting for coffee every now and then, it's going out drinking just the girls hearts fresh with the possibilities that an evening can bring. It's being there for me in a heartbeat as soon as K and I broke up. Yes, I may not be your conventional qurikyalone, but I'm a sort of mix of the two. I love my solitude. I can spend hours just on my own, not talking to anyone and sometimes if I don't have "me time" during the day I get seriously pissed off. But I also love to be with people.
This is getting to be a very garbled post, so I'll get to the point of all this. I like being single. I like driving myself around. I like not having to depend on someone else. I like making my own money and paying my own bills. And therefore, I had better get ready for a LONG period of being on my own coz not many guys can accept that.
It's okay for me to make my own rules. It's okay for me to say: "That's not okay". It's okay for me to sleep with guys I have no intention of having a "relationship" with.
February 14 is the second annual Quirkyalone Day. Embrace your solitude, girlfriends! (Check out more on this phenomenon on the Quirkyalone website)
One of my quirkyalone theme songs:
Question: Tell me what you think about me
I buy my own diamonds and
I buy my own rings
Only ring your cell-y when I'm feelin lonely
When it's all over please get up and leave
Question: Tell me how you feel about this
Try to control me boy you get dismissed
Pay my own fun, oh and I pay my own bills
Always 50/50 in relationships
The shoes on my feet
I've got it
The clothes I'm wearin
I've got it
The rock I'm rockin
I've got it
'Cause I depend on me
If I wanted
The watch you're wearin
I'll buy it
The house I live in
I've got it
The car I'm drivin
I've bought it
I depend on me (I depend on me)
All the women who are independent
Throw your hands up at me
All the honeys who makin money
Throw your hands up at me
All the mommas who profit dollas
Throw your hands up at me
All the ladies who truly feel me
Throw your hands up at me
Tell me how feel about this
Who would I want if I would wanna live
I worked hard and sacrificed to get what I get
Ladies, it ain't easy bein independent
Question: How'd you like this knowledge that I brought
Braggin on that cash that he gave you is to front
If you're gonna brag make sure it's your money you flaunt
Depend on no one else to give you what you want
Sure, I loved Bridget Jones. I nearly peed my pants when I read about her escapades. But that wasn't me, ya know? I wasn't hunting for a guy, I wasn't scared I was going to die alone eaten by an alsation. In fact, I was pretty okay with being alone.
Then I met K and threw all my singleness out of the window. Quirkyalone? Nuh-uh, we were quirkytogether (that's a real word, look it up). And he was so perfect and so sweet and so mine in a way that all my strong words and ideologies weren't. Plus he made me feel complete (even though I now realise I am complete, with or without a man). And it was easier to be with someone, more secure and the more I think about I realise that the fear of being alone was greater than the fear or losing him.
I did a test online at this site and these are my results: Your score was 81. Somewhat quirkyalone (otherwise known as quirkytogether):You are probably part of a mysterious group of people, the quirkytogethers. You share many of our quirky qualities, but you manage to find yourself, on a regular basis, in a coupled situation. Interesting.
Bloody hell. That seems to be me! For as long as I can remember I've had friends who were more like family than friends. "Urban Tribes" they're called these days and yeah, growing up an only child, I depended a lot on my gal pals. (I've never really had that many guy friends. I don't know why.) We did everything together, comparing which one of us had the biggest breats at twelve, the first one to get her period, passing around a cigarette and a glas sof beer which we alternately choked and spluttered on.
And now that we're all grown up, we're still there. Only in different ways. Now it's meeting for coffee every now and then, it's going out drinking just the girls hearts fresh with the possibilities that an evening can bring. It's being there for me in a heartbeat as soon as K and I broke up. Yes, I may not be your conventional qurikyalone, but I'm a sort of mix of the two. I love my solitude. I can spend hours just on my own, not talking to anyone and sometimes if I don't have "me time" during the day I get seriously pissed off. But I also love to be with people.
This is getting to be a very garbled post, so I'll get to the point of all this. I like being single. I like driving myself around. I like not having to depend on someone else. I like making my own money and paying my own bills. And therefore, I had better get ready for a LONG period of being on my own coz not many guys can accept that.
It's okay for me to make my own rules. It's okay for me to say: "That's not okay". It's okay for me to sleep with guys I have no intention of having a "relationship" with.
February 14 is the second annual Quirkyalone Day. Embrace your solitude, girlfriends! (Check out more on this phenomenon on the Quirkyalone website)
One of my quirkyalone theme songs:
Question: Tell me what you think about me
I buy my own diamonds and
I buy my own rings
Only ring your cell-y when I'm feelin lonely
When it's all over please get up and leave
Question: Tell me how you feel about this
Try to control me boy you get dismissed
Pay my own fun, oh and I pay my own bills
Always 50/50 in relationships
The shoes on my feet
I've got it
The clothes I'm wearin
I've got it
The rock I'm rockin
I've got it
'Cause I depend on me
If I wanted
The watch you're wearin
I'll buy it
The house I live in
I've got it
The car I'm drivin
I've bought it
I depend on me (I depend on me)
All the women who are independent
Throw your hands up at me
All the honeys who makin money
Throw your hands up at me
All the mommas who profit dollas
Throw your hands up at me
All the ladies who truly feel me
Throw your hands up at me
Tell me how feel about this
Who would I want if I would wanna live
I worked hard and sacrificed to get what I get
Ladies, it ain't easy bein independent
Question: How'd you like this knowledge that I brought
Braggin on that cash that he gave you is to front
If you're gonna brag make sure it's your money you flaunt
Depend on no one else to give you what you want
8 September 2004
Revising Old Judgements (a serial story)- Part Un
I met lovely Dylan the other day (Okay so his name is not really Dylan, but I'm running out of creative pseudonyms for people and I have a picture of Bob Dylan pinned up on my cubicle wall). I was at a book launch, of a Delhi art curator who also happens to be part of the city's p3p brigade. (P3P stands for Page 3 people; page 3 being the standard newspaper page in most places on which all the parties are printed. Stories like this one happen all the time).
The art curator who I shall call, mmm... Shobha introduced me to her daughter Tanya, a young girl with such long hair that I instantly and defensively reached up to run my fingers through my short crop. She had two piercings on one nostril and a very wide smile and was wearing what looked like a halter top with a dupatta wrapped sari-like over her body. I had interviewed Shobha the day before for a story and it tuned out she knew my parents and all.
(My parents eloped before their "respectable" wedding, as a result of which my mum was stuck without any clothes. So she went to Shobha's father-in-law's house, Shobha's husband being my dad's batchmate, to borrow something to wear). And because she had seen me when I was an infant etcetera she opened up to me quickly and told me all about Tanya. Tanya is her only daughter and Shobha's mainstay in everything. Shobha's an art curator and Tanya studies painting in college, Tanya will whiz by to say hello to her mom and I'll bet my remaining three inches of hair that she's on a first name basis with all of Shobha's friends. Anyway so Shobha told me all this and went into how unfortunately Tanya was sent to this terribly strict convent and told me about this other pretty famous school in Delhi which she would have rather placed her daughter in. I said, "Oh no actually [Famous School] has a reputation for churning out potheads." Which is true. I can vouch for it.
So I didn't really expect to see Tanya the way she was. I was imagining a rather pudgy goody-goody with earnest eyes and, okay, conservative clothes. I don't know why this is important, but it just goes to show that you can never have preconceived notions. I have this one cousin for instance who thought I was an oily haired little spoilt brat just because she overheard me calling my dad 'Daddy' on the phone while she was on the line. Honestly!
Anyway, back to Dylan who was what this post was supposed to focus on. Turns out he's dating Tanya, right? And Dylan is sexy, very lean and intellectual looking with curly long hair, a little french beard now in designer stubble and a silver earring in one ear. And my friend who has dated him says he's extremely good in bed.
(To be continued...)
(And before you say I'm cheating, here's what you can expect from the rest of the recent update. No, Dylan and I DO NOT get it on, not even close but I will tell you more about him and K. calls with some surprising news.. stay tuned!)
EDIT: Blogger's been giving me trouble, I've been trying to post this damn thing for close to two hours now! Anyway, a quick ps before I forget, I want to get a tattoo of a dragonfly on my lower back.. if any of you have nay good images or ideas I could use, I would really appreciate it! :) And oh, yeah, preferably black and not coloured coz that looks best on brown skin...
The art curator who I shall call, mmm... Shobha introduced me to her daughter Tanya, a young girl with such long hair that I instantly and defensively reached up to run my fingers through my short crop. She had two piercings on one nostril and a very wide smile and was wearing what looked like a halter top with a dupatta wrapped sari-like over her body. I had interviewed Shobha the day before for a story and it tuned out she knew my parents and all.
(My parents eloped before their "respectable" wedding, as a result of which my mum was stuck without any clothes. So she went to Shobha's father-in-law's house, Shobha's husband being my dad's batchmate, to borrow something to wear). And because she had seen me when I was an infant etcetera she opened up to me quickly and told me all about Tanya. Tanya is her only daughter and Shobha's mainstay in everything. Shobha's an art curator and Tanya studies painting in college, Tanya will whiz by to say hello to her mom and I'll bet my remaining three inches of hair that she's on a first name basis with all of Shobha's friends. Anyway so Shobha told me all this and went into how unfortunately Tanya was sent to this terribly strict convent and told me about this other pretty famous school in Delhi which she would have rather placed her daughter in. I said, "Oh no actually [Famous School] has a reputation for churning out potheads." Which is true. I can vouch for it.
So I didn't really expect to see Tanya the way she was. I was imagining a rather pudgy goody-goody with earnest eyes and, okay, conservative clothes. I don't know why this is important, but it just goes to show that you can never have preconceived notions. I have this one cousin for instance who thought I was an oily haired little spoilt brat just because she overheard me calling my dad 'Daddy' on the phone while she was on the line. Honestly!
Anyway, back to Dylan who was what this post was supposed to focus on. Turns out he's dating Tanya, right? And Dylan is sexy, very lean and intellectual looking with curly long hair, a little french beard now in designer stubble and a silver earring in one ear. And my friend who has dated him says he's extremely good in bed.
(To be continued...)
(And before you say I'm cheating, here's what you can expect from the rest of the recent update. No, Dylan and I DO NOT get it on, not even close but I will tell you more about him and K. calls with some surprising news.. stay tuned!)
EDIT: Blogger's been giving me trouble, I've been trying to post this damn thing for close to two hours now! Anyway, a quick ps before I forget, I want to get a tattoo of a dragonfly on my lower back.. if any of you have nay good images or ideas I could use, I would really appreciate it! :) And oh, yeah, preferably black and not coloured coz that looks best on brown skin...
6 September 2004
Checkmated
Y'know, when I first began this blog I didn't think much of it. I have started blogs before, all of which fell through. Then it started becoming something of an addiction. I HAVE to blog almost daily, when I'm in an odd situation I immedeatly start phrasing it in my head so I can blog about it. (My name is Mynna and I'm a blog-oholic).
Anyhoo, as it grew from one post to eleven, it slowly became my pride and joy. My work in progress. My book that I've always wanted to write. And I started giving the address to people.
First to Dee, then to a friend of mine in Bath, then to N. And the other day I was chilling with some friends when I casually mentioned my blog and promised to send them my link.
And then it struck me. Oh no, what was I doing? The more people I gave the link to, the more chances there were that my carefully cherished anonymity would blow.
Already my friend in Bath is mailing me going, "Oh there's no need for you to tell me anything, I get it all off your blog." And N turns to me the other day and goes, "So you called K, huh?" And Dee was upset because something she was keeping secret turned up as the very first result on Yahoo search (damn them and their highlighted entries!)
So, no more giving out my link. From now on, besides the people I've already given the link to, I will stay happily anonymous. Amen.
PS: Out of curiousity how many of you have given your link to your friends and family and what were the consequences? I'd love to know ;)
Anyhoo, as it grew from one post to eleven, it slowly became my pride and joy. My work in progress. My book that I've always wanted to write. And I started giving the address to people.
First to Dee, then to a friend of mine in Bath, then to N. And the other day I was chilling with some friends when I casually mentioned my blog and promised to send them my link.
And then it struck me. Oh no, what was I doing? The more people I gave the link to, the more chances there were that my carefully cherished anonymity would blow.
Already my friend in Bath is mailing me going, "Oh there's no need for you to tell me anything, I get it all off your blog." And N turns to me the other day and goes, "So you called K, huh?" And Dee was upset because something she was keeping secret turned up as the very first result on Yahoo search (damn them and their highlighted entries!)
So, no more giving out my link. From now on, besides the people I've already given the link to, I will stay happily anonymous. Amen.
PS: Out of curiousity how many of you have given your link to your friends and family and what were the consequences? I'd love to know ;)
3 September 2004
The Conversation
I caved and called K. the other day. I know, I know (hides face in shame), but it was just something I had to do. Here's a transcript of the conversation, just how I remember it.
Me: Hey
Him (rather too enthusiastically): Hi!
Me: Just wanted to... y'know... check in and things. See how you were doing. Coz we should stay friends and all (realise I am babbling and trail off)
Him: Yes, that's what I want as well.
(Long pause)
Him: So, how's work?
Me: Oh. Oh! Work is... work (pat myself on the back for this profound statement) I'm busy. It's book and theatre season so I'm out all the time.
Him: Yes, I read your paper every now and then. But in bits.
Me: Yes (think: Yes, well you never read it when we were dating either didja?)
Him: So, your hair looks good.
Me: I know.
Him: It looks really good
Me: I know.
Him: It looked good at that party too.
Me: The one where Randeep (his friend) treated me like I was part of the enemy camp?
Him: Did he? We talked about it and decided it was okay if he wanted to carry on in touch with you.
Me: (Think: How kind) Yes, well, he hasn't called.
Him: Is Dhati still pissed with me?
Me: Yes, all my friends are (laugh to take the truth out of this statement). Your dad must be very happy, no distractions.
Him: Actually, my family was quite upset with me for a couple of days.
(I think Good. At least it's not out of sight out of mind for them.)
Me: Oh, one more thing. If you start seeing someone else, I'd like to hear it from you and not from anyone else coz we have a lot of common friends.
Him: Well, there was this one girl who I spoke to for a couple of days.
Me: (Thinking Oh. My. God. Oh. My God.) Uh-huh?
Him: But nothing really came of it.
Me: (rather squeakily) Okay.
Him: I just don't want to be in a relationship right now.
Me: (overcompensating brightly): Yeah, me neither. I'm taking a sabbatical. (pause) Would you mind if I started seeing someone else?
Him: No! No, I'd be really happy for you.
Me: (thinking: all is lost) I wouldn't be so happy if you were seeing someone else.
Him: Fair enough.
Him: So let's meet up soon
Me: Yeah. No. Not yet. Give me a call sometime.
(We hang up and I take all his..our.... pictures off my bulletin board, out of the frames, and his ring off my finger. It feels naked.)
*sigh*
Me: Hey
Him (rather too enthusiastically): Hi!
Me: Just wanted to... y'know... check in and things. See how you were doing. Coz we should stay friends and all (realise I am babbling and trail off)
Him: Yes, that's what I want as well.
(Long pause)
Him: So, how's work?
Me: Oh. Oh! Work is... work (pat myself on the back for this profound statement) I'm busy. It's book and theatre season so I'm out all the time.
Him: Yes, I read your paper every now and then. But in bits.
Me: Yes (think: Yes, well you never read it when we were dating either didja?)
Him: So, your hair looks good.
Me: I know.
Him: It looks really good
Me: I know.
Him: It looked good at that party too.
Me: The one where Randeep (his friend) treated me like I was part of the enemy camp?
Him: Did he? We talked about it and decided it was okay if he wanted to carry on in touch with you.
Me: (Think: How kind) Yes, well, he hasn't called.
Him: Is Dhati still pissed with me?
Me: Yes, all my friends are (laugh to take the truth out of this statement). Your dad must be very happy, no distractions.
Him: Actually, my family was quite upset with me for a couple of days.
(I think Good. At least it's not out of sight out of mind for them.)
Me: Oh, one more thing. If you start seeing someone else, I'd like to hear it from you and not from anyone else coz we have a lot of common friends.
Him: Well, there was this one girl who I spoke to for a couple of days.
Me: (Thinking Oh. My. God. Oh. My God.) Uh-huh?
Him: But nothing really came of it.
Me: (rather squeakily) Okay.
Him: I just don't want to be in a relationship right now.
Me: (overcompensating brightly): Yeah, me neither. I'm taking a sabbatical. (pause) Would you mind if I started seeing someone else?
Him: No! No, I'd be really happy for you.
Me: (thinking: all is lost) I wouldn't be so happy if you were seeing someone else.
Him: Fair enough.
Him: So let's meet up soon
Me: Yeah. No. Not yet. Give me a call sometime.
(We hang up and I take all his..our.... pictures off my bulletin board, out of the frames, and his ring off my finger. It feels naked.)
*sigh*
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